On Results Day

I have had two "results days" so far in my life. I cried on both occasions, for different reasons. My GCSE results came in two waves and my worst results were released first and I honestly didn't think I had got into my sixth form. My AS results were much better than I could have ever anticipated but all the tension before my results came out built up and my results were such a wave of relief that I sobbed in the car home. Happy sobs.

I've had plenty of "results" throughout my life so far: my education has been filled with entrance tests and interviews (for schools rather than jobs) and music exams and internal exams. Just this November (which feels like a lifetime ago) I stayed up until midnight with one of my best friends, Nithya, to get our BMAT results.

The difference between every other result is that results day is a national thing. Everyone anticipates. And you know when it's coming. It's not like university offers or music exam results or even class tests. And everyone you know wants to know on the day you get it and that's a cause of stress. 

I am much less stressed this year though. I've worked so hard this year and asked for help when I needed it that there is no way I could have done better than what I get. If I don't get into my university I'll be gutted, truly truly gutted, but it's probably fate and instead I'll meet people that are influencial in shaping Birmingham Sophie or clearing Sophie. That rational thought process does calm me down a lot even though inner Sophie is screaming "what you've worked so hard you deserve what you were predicted after mocks, how dare you."

I just hope I've done well enough, I guess. I've done the best I can do.