Kaleidosophie: January 2016

I've been on a mad tidying spree today. It started out with a sort of whirlwind because my mother texted me saying they would meet me at my flat rather than in Covent Garden and everything was everywhere. I cleaned my bathroom and hoovered my desk and window ledge and floor and skirting boards. I hung up my clothes and tidied my desk.

There was something very therapeutic about it. I've been very overwhelmed in my room recently when it's been messy and that's one of the reasons my studying pattern is sort of non existent. It gives me that new year feeling.

And now even though my family is long gone I'm sorting out piles of papers and my little wire baskets and making sure my storage caddies aren't overflowing.

I probably shouldn't write at one in the morning as this lacks direction it's just more of an encouragement for future me when I'm stuck in a rut to just clean and tidy so I can feel better in my space.

Good night

I do this every year now. I guess now it's "tradition" but it also gives me a place where I can't lose my resolutions. Last year I wrote a massive post about resolutions which can kind of be summarised:
1. Get my health up to go to university
2. Clear out my room
3. Learn how to use to-do lists
4. Learn how to write to a higher standard
5. Start writing more short stories
6. Write more
7. Work really hard

What stands out to me now is the final sentence: I'm finally becoming an adult. I have definitely grown up so much this year. University pushed me to grow up and I love who I'm becoming. That's a really wonderful feeling.

My main achievement in 2015 is the milestones I've made with my health. I got a good physio November 2014 so my recovery only really started November 2014. And though my consultant told me my recovery would take two years it's taken one. Last year I couldn't do three squats and now I can do hundreds upon hundreds. And last year I couldn't go to school full time and now I can do so so much. In October I'd cry myself to sleep with happiness. And while my health isn't perfect *cough chronically dislocating shoulder from early November to mid December* it's so much better and I can do the stuff I want to do. I can live.

I got rid of a lot of stuff and my room feels much less cluttered. Still some work but I've got rid of over 130 books.

I now can't function without a to do list. I got into it mid January last year when I got a studyblr and started bullet journalling. It's been great for my organisation.

On resolutions 4, 5 & 6 ----- 5 & 6 were a cop out but some of the stuff I've read about my health are some of the most heartbreaking and wonderful things I've ever written. I think why pain is sometimes romanticised is because the things we create while in pain can be very intense emotionally because pain, especially chronic pain, is very intense emotionally.

I've worked very hard this year even with lower energy than other people. And my A level results were phenomenal and I'm ecstatic still.

NEW RESOLUTIONS