2014/2015

This post is fairly daunting. This is my fourth (?) attempt at writing this essay/post (I try to write an essay but it does inevitably end up as a post). I want to write down my "resolutions" for 2015 but every time I do I end up rattling off 2014 like I did last year with my 2013 post. The issue is that I didn't achieve much in 2013 but I achieved so much in 2014 and I come across as smug and trying to wound the readers confidence (which is the last thing I want to do).

My main resolution for 2015 is to get ready to uni. I've now been accepted by four universities and they're good universities. It's been a real confidence boost for me. The UCAS process was often described as really difficult and scary. That was partly because I wanted to do medicine but also my old school told us from fourteen that we needed to do extracurricular for universities to consider us when really nobody mentions their CREST science award or bronze DofE.  I just need to hear back from my final choice now. I know that with university applications that no news is good news but it is fairly frustrating when the university said they would start offering places in late December.

My main emphasis in this resolution is that I have to get my health up to go to university. For those of you who stumbled upon this, hi, I'm Sophie and I have hypermobility syndrome which is a chronic pain and fatigue syndrome with similar symptoms to fibromyalgia. If I get strong this year I will be able to do more things as my muscles won't get as tired. People often believe that pain is the worst thing about a condition like this but honestly the fatigue is the worst thing. Having no energy is debilitating and you have to plan obsessively when you want to go out. When I check the diary for a day or night out I have to see if I'm doing anything in the 48 hours surrounding the event so I can rest. Pain is completely manageable if you have something to look forward to. However, if you don't have the energy to do things it becomes a condition that is much more difficult to cope with. I have to get to a point this year where I have energy to live a normal student life and I can only do that through physio which is physically tough. I really want to have a normal uni experience.

I also want to clear out my room as part of the mental preparation of living away from home. I like my room and it's physically beautiful but I've felt like it's been clogged up since I moved in to my current house. My room at my last house was too small for me and the wardrobe was a nightmare because nothing fit in it but I absolutely adored it. My current room is 40% bigger and the wardrobe is massive (which I adore) but recently I've felt off in it because it's felt very full up with things I don't need any more. My room is also my work space so I struggle to distance myself from my work in it as my work is always on every single surface because my room is too full to put it away.

I want to clear out my rubbish because I want to feel like I have a room at home which is a really safe space for me that is luxurious compared to the broom cupboard I will inevitably end up in in London. I read Apartment Therapy when I was thirteen and has become a really important book for me because it discusses your space and your corresponding mental state. It covers how to clear out and make your home you can really love. They also have a fantastic interior design blog. I need to clear out my room because as Apartment Therapy has always said, if you are cluttered and unhappy with your home you will find it uninviting. My room often reflects my state of mind (which is often overwhelmed). I want my room to be a calm place and it's not right now.

There's a part of that clear out process that feels like I am ready to start a new part of my life and part of that is not carrying round junk from my current life. I'm not going to throw away important things but my physics practical books aren't going to be a thing I look back on fondly when I'm in my fourties, instead I'll write horror books based on the trauma of the physics practical lesson. I need that clean start and I can't do that with fifty-two highlighters.

I need to learn how to use to-do lists. I am great at writing them however I struggle with looking at them and carrying out the things on the list. Honestly, the items are normally on the list because I'm procrastinating in the first place. I'm aware at uni my mum won't remind me that I really need to drive my car because I haven't driven it in two weeks and the battery will go flat (again). I can't really say that "get organised" is a goal because I'm generally on top of most things but I do need to start writing down things on paper, instead of my hands.

Another main resolution is to learn how to write to a higher standard. 

Writing has been important to me since a young age; I wanted to be an author when I was in junior school. A part of that has always been that I have been fairly good at it throughout my childhood, it's the thing I felt best in for a long time which is odd because I now only do science and maths. I stopped writing properly throughout my teenage years until this blog (and a couple of novel attempts in my early teens) so I feel fairly out of practice.

My English GCSE had three pieces of coursework: a non-creative piece, a creative piece and a response to a newspaper article. My worst score was in the non-creative section which has dented my confidence. I want to write essays because I find ideas easier for non-creative writing but it just doesn't come as naturally to me as when I write creatively. I'm also reading a lot of essays at the moment and that has really inspired me to do something I find really difficult to do.

I struggle mainly with writing sentences that are "nice" and writing large volumes. When I read essays I'm struck by the length of the paragraphs. Maybe I don't have as much to say? Maybe I'm someone who condenses (I'm definitely someone who condenses)? I want to write longer paragraphs.

I want to start writing more short stories. I used to write fiction so readily. I always want to write a book with a complicated plot and I just need to focus on my short stories so I become an engaging writer. Often when writing fiction my style becomes self indulgent, my language slips out of those nicely constructed sentences I pride myself on and I just start to try and engage with the characters without trying to engage with the reader. I become wrapped up in my own head. I can't do this if I want to write well. 

My big hurdle with writing short stories is my lack of ideas. It's less of a lack of ideas but a lack of confidence in those ideas. "That won't work." "That's too complicated." I've been reading short stories, especially on Rookie, and often they're just little snippets on how people interact with eachother. It can not be hard to think of two people to talk to each other. 

I would like to write more. I think that's really a large part of my whole "write better" resolution. I don't believe in quantity over quality but I do believe that the more you write the more comfortable you become with your voice and style. Everything really improves.

My final big resolution is just for me to work really hard. I already do this but self motivation can be really difficult, especially during the Easter holidays before study leave. I also want to work hard when I get to uni and to not be daunted by the amount of work that I get set. I'm really looking forward to being set reading as uni homework because reading is something that I am naturally good at and fast at. I haven't been set reading prep in a very long time.

I think there's a balance between self kindness and self motivation. On one hand if you aren't kind to yourself when it comes to doing exams and doing past papers then your confidence drops and this isn't good for the quality of your work. Then, on the other hand if you're too kind I don't think you'll work as hard. There's a balance. Sometimes I'm overly harsh to myself because I really want to acheive. I think it's ok. I just have to monitor it.

My other resolutions don't feel as much like proper resolutions but more like little goals that I just want to do: I want to get go on holiday with my friends post exams,I want to go to the Kings Road or Carnaby Street with Han*, I'm seeing Samantha Shannon on the 31st of January, I want to go to Miranda's formal hall**, I want to go to concerts, I want to learn how to do all of my makeup in 10 minutes and I want to die my hair***

Hopefully 2015 will be good because I'm so excited for it. I'm finally becoming an adult 

*We both love Brandy Melville
** My friend Miranda is at Oxford and every Tuesday they have a big dinner with wine and it's in a hall that looks like Hogwarts
*** I'm a bit bored with my hair colour and I really just want to go semi-permanently auburn.

In Case of a UCAS Response

I've made two 8tracks playlists this term, one for being accepted by uni and one for being rejected by uni, in case of both eventualities. Oddly, both contain Paramore and Taylor Swift. 

In Case of Acceptance by Uni from Kaleidosophie on 8tracks Radio.

In Case of Rejection by Uni from Kaleidosophie on 8tracks Radio.

Current mood: awake at 2:14am

Currently my major role model is Rosianna Halse Rojas from the Internet and I found her blog from 2012-ish where she just wrote about life and that feels really really appealing right now.

It is currently 2:14am and I have major jetlag. I had such a lovely holiday and I'm so thankful to be able to get jetlag but I've got physio in the morning and I really need to sleep instead of writing whiny paragraphs on the Internet. I am genuinely concerned about the amount of concealer I'll need tomorrow to hide my bags.

I've also got mocks in early January which is just marvellous. Actually, maths seems to be going ok though I struggle to hit the A* boundary on papers despite the fact it is the subject I was predicted the A* in. I mean, my offer doesn't require the A* but I don't want to feel like I've underachieved. Biology is good but the papers vary so much from year to year and I swear if my mock is heavily based on epistasis and genetic biotechnology I'm fairly screwed. I haven't tackled Chemistry yet because I'm digging my head into the sand as far as it can go. We covered nitriles recently and I'm just lacking confidence. My organic teacher sets such hard homeworks and as a result I lose a lot of my confidence with the subject. My knowledge is sometimes really good as a result but more often than not I just end up feeling a bit terrible about my abilities. I feel like it does more harm than good.

Then, of course, I have to wrap a load of Christmas presents in the next couple of days which will be really tiring, especially as I'm going to physio tomorrow and do my exercise on top of that. Plus, I have to make labels which is another level of physical exertion. 

I should really sleep but goodnight, blog.

Currently listening: Chicago soundtrack 

Currently reading: Runaways by Beth Szymkowski

On Writing

I am a firm believer in writing what you know. Until recently, I've been struggling with writing and what I class as experience.

I read The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan in early November which is a selection of short stories and essays by the late Marina Keegan who died in her early 20's. What struck me was the youth of her writing. Before I read Marina Keegan I thought I had nothing to write about because I never felt like I had begun to live yet. Childhood was good but the last few school years have always felt like an unfortunate experience I had to get through to get to the next stage; work hard on my exams so I have opportunities and then move on. I felt the same about my exam years the same way I feel about main courses. Sure, there are good parts, but it's main purpose is to get to pudding. Marina Keegan took what opportunities come to the young and wrote about them. 

My outlook has got better since I've started doing more this year because I am an adult now, with a car and ID and an unlimited train ticket into the city. I've started doing more of what I consider "the sixth form experience" like going out for drinks on rooftop terraces but also learning to cook baked beans in the microwave and going out on ice cream runs.

I think exploring "the high school experience" and "the sixth form experience" is a really interesting thing to explore because it's a time in your life where you are all going through the exact same thing but in different environments with different groups of people and those people all interact in different ways. I've always found that very pronounced because I moved from a single sex senior school in a small town to a boys school with a co-ed sixth form in an interesting part of a small city that is very student oriented. Comparing my experience to my old friends experiences is weird because we do such different things as a result of our environments but we are still all applying for universities and working for the same exams.

I also feel that sixth form has been the first time where my year have interacted without adults hovering over us all the time. It's the point where we've all begun to interact more freely because of that. I've certainly felt like this is where I've started to become an adult because I can finally make my own choices without an adult interfering with them. It's when people start to make their own choices and make their own experiences which is why writing about them makes them interesting.

I always used to confuse validity of experience. Just because I have had fewer experiences than people who are older than me doesn't make my experiences less valid. I have never been in a serious relationship but I've seen girls get skinnier and skinnier until their hair falls out and I've lived in two countries and I've been followed by a psychotic and worked in a school and a hospital for a week each.

I want to start writing about my experiences as they happen because of these reasons and that's really exciting to me because I am finally becoming a person 

Night time drives

I am one of those lucky teenagers with a full driving licence and a car.

There's always this idea (vision)(illusion) painted by films and tumblr about friends going for late night drives and talking and talking. It's a nice idea. It's dark, so you can talk more freely. It's a very romantic vision because it's very isolating for the people in the car. Maybe there's a mix tape playing. Maybe the passenger has their feet on the dashboard (bear in mind I will kick someone out of the car if they do that).

I just don't love it as an image. I can't talk freely and openly and emotionally when I'm driving because I'm concentrating on my surroundings. I stop listening at roundabouts and hill starts. So you don't get that intensely personal dialouge. Also, normally, I am stressed out when driving at night because I live in the countryside where street lights are practically non existent and the probability of killing an animal is really high.

I just think it's much nicer to be curled up near a radiator (that's on) talking with a friend, maybe with a cup of tea. Or a sleepover, where you lie on your back and discuss your fears and relationships (or philosophy if you've both been drinking).

I guess I romanticise different things. Maybe we romanticise ideas that have been based on our own experiences. I live in the UK which is pretty tiny so road trips are never really considered so we don't romanticise them. And as a result I have never glamourised driving as an emotional experience. I love it, but not because of that. I love it because I like the freedom it gives me, I liked driving to Legoland with Miranda playing Phil Collins' Disney hits on the motorway, I like it on the long straight down towards my village where you can safely hit a good speed without having to worry, I like  the fact that my windscreen heats up and my CD player changes colour and driving to friends houses picking up pizza on the way. But the one thing I will never value, it is talking about my feelings driving at night. It's not for me.

Resolution no.12 - I want to stop being terrified of growing up.

This time last year the idea of growing up made me terrified. The idea would make me panic because I felt like I was not ready to be an adult. In hindsight, that was probably true.

I have pretty severe hypermobility syndrome which governs my life. It leaves me with little energy, chronic pain, migraine and palpitations. It's not nice to live with and doesn't get much awareness.

Last year, due to a really minor change in lifestyle, I sent my back into spasm for three months. This is where my fear of growing up stemmed from. In all fairness, at that point I couldn't cope with my commute because it was too arduous and I had to lie on the kitchen floor every night because my back could not physically hold up my upper body. How can you be an adult when you can't cope with normal, everyday occurences? 

I think we have to start truly diagnosing whether fears are rational or irrational. In my head my fear felt irrational but looking back it was very much the opposite. My fear of snakes isn't rational. My fear of someone getting aggressive in the street with me is rational because I am helpless in that situation due to my poor upper body strength. Dismissing fears immediately does nothing to help the situation.

My fear faded as two things happened. My body started finally (sort of) working without (much) pain and I heard back from universities. Suddenly, I had a future that looked like I wouldn't be in chronic agony. I started to do things in spite of having half the energy of a normal 18 year old. My new physio is really good. Universities started to want me to go to their university and seem to be prepared to help me with my hypermobility.

I succeeded on resolution number 12.  It, like so many things, was linked to my health. Fears can be rational and fear of a world where you can't cope is perfectly normal and fine. I think we just have to recognise that

YA

This blog post was motivated by a video by Ariel Bissett.

Around my 18th birthday my friend Nina said to me "you're not going to stop reading YA now are you?" "Of course not" I replied. And within a week of my eighteenth birthday, I was reading mostly adult fiction.

It wasn't a conscious choice, let me make that clear. It's not like I'm one of those numerous journalists who throw bombs at the YA community and run away cackling. I'm not denying that what I've read was irrelevant or juvenile. If a new Sarah J Maas or Samantha Shannon book got released tomorrow I would run to Amazon HQ to get it if I had to. However, my tastes have changed.

The conscious part of this choice was that I wanted books that were very plot driven that weren't about the topics that YA is usually about. I was struggling to find new material in the YA section that was different. I read the blurb of a book called The Truth About the Harry Quebert Affair in the adult section of Waterstones. It had so many things that were against it: its 700 page size and my lack of concentration, its weight and my bad back, the fact that Agatha Christie gives me nightmares, let alone a modern crime book and the fact I don't like French Literature. This book really changed what I look for in a book. It covers some pretty dark themes but it's clever and manipulative and truly wonderful. It was so very different to all the YA I had read. A new love in adult literature was born.

I feel like I've grown up a lot in the past month. I am very consciously thinking about how I am going to university in September and how I'll be a real adult, a proper "I can cook and iron and pay bills and know what those symbols on washing labels mean" adult as supposed to a "hi the government lets me buy sparklers now" adult that I currently am. I feel like maybe that's made me change my choice in literature.

I find that adult books put different emphasis on their topics. For example, style can be really important and I struggle to find the element that makes me love Jeffrey Eugenides and Meg Wolitzer in YA. The biggest difference is the emphasis on emotions. When a character in a YA novel feels something they feel it deeply and passionately. If it's a romance, they won't be wondering if the guy they're interested in is good marriage material, they care about the chase. That makes young adult books exciting in many regards. However, sometimes I want adult books for their different emotions and sometimes I like the element of hindsight on the teenage years.

I have struggled in the past with the large emphasis on dystopian literature in YA as it often feels very repetitive and needs development psychologically for the characters. In contrast, adult dystopian can be beautifully foreboding (The Circle by Dave Eggers is wonderfully realistic).

I'm honestly happy with this change. Growing up isn't a bad thing and wanting to read many categories instead of just YA feels liberating. I haven't discovered all my favourite books yet, but I'm closer to it now.

Books set where you live

I see myself as having two home cities: London, where I'll be moving to next year if I get AAB in my A Levels, and Oxford, where I currently go to school and have lived near for 13 years.

I read The Bone Season in June and I absolutely adored it and one of the reasons I fell absolutely in love with it is because it's set in Oxford. It has a map in the front showing all of the colleges that are important in the book and all the main roads in central Oxford. It got me thinking about how some books are a really personal experience and connecting to a book is heavily linked with that.

So when I hear about Americans reading The Bone Season I become very protective over it. In my head, though irrational, it belongs to me and my city.

I had never quite connected with a book on this level before: the sharing of a place that is so fundamental to both of your identities. I have had a very strong relationship with Oxford which has been primarily built over the last year and two months. The Bone Season somehow captures my relationship with Oxford. I am constantly in awe of Oxford in the way it is grand and magical and makes me feel very safe, especially in the old parts.

I'm getting nostalgic, please do stop me. I just know in six months I will go through my school leavers ceremony and in eight months I will never return to Oxford as a student who studies there. Oxford has become a city where I found out who I am and where I have been happiest, with the exception of Walt Disney World. Losing it feels just so premature.

I know next year when I'll be living in London *touches all the wood* I'll need my disposable camera prints and my Oxford Sketchbook I got for my birthday and The Bone Season.

Change of Plan

I have decided not to review every book this year and this is for a number of reasons

The first is that reviewing has lost a lot of the joy for me. It is time consuming and stressful when I fall behind (so the last three months have been a bit crazy). I have struggled to find things to say for some books because some books are average or I decide to read them just to switch off my brain. 

Secondly, I am taking the BMAT on the 5th of November because even though I decided not to be a doctor, I managed to pick a course that requires the BMAT. I would like to do well and that is academically draining so I don't have the mental capacity to write.

Thirdly, I have had a ritual of writing when I do exercise as it distracts me. However, I've had to stop doing exercise because I've accidentally made myself pretty ill by doing it. So the one time I made myself write is no longer part of the daily routine. And then the illness gets in the way.

I hope this makes sense

Sophie

Review #71 - Heart Shaped Bruise by Tanya Byrne

Heart Shaped Bruise is a British YA novel set in a mental hospital in a prison. It is told by Emily Koll, a girl who's been in the press a lot for her crime, which we the reader do not know of.

The best part of this book is the intruige. Emily Koll assumes the reader knows what her crime was because it was in the headlines of the fictional news. As a result she doesn't mention what she's done which was a really clever way to not give the climax of the novel away. Emily hints at what she's done as to intruige the reader but it still leaves enough suspense. There are constantly these plot holes that are all resolved at the end.

The way Emily is portrayed is very clever because we are really taught to pity Emily and to empathise with Emily even though what she does is really morally unhinged. I still really liked Emily even though she wasn't likeable. She was just a really great antihero.

The pace started really slowly but warmed up and the ending is really outstanding.

I didn't really relate to the voice which was a shame. I felt it had reverted to the Classic Brit Lit YA Voice without really understanding being a teenager beyond having crushes on boys.

I would recommend this if:

You want a book that's pretty vindictive

You want a book that covers child psychology.

You want a classic british YA novel

I gave this three stars

Review #70 - September Girls by Bennett Madison

September Girls is essentially a male coming of age book about a boy who travels to a town for the summer when his mother has left the family. In this beach town there are all these attractive, blonde girls and they're everywhere. And they're all flirty and obsessed with our main character.

This is a fairly odd book because it is about mermaids and romance, but 12 year olds I warn you while you rush to Amazon to read this, this book is fairly adult. The demographic is not that of the demographic of Emily Windsnap. I was suprised at the contrast between the set up of this mermaid book and these adult (sexual) themes. It does add something very new to the mermaid genre but does adding new dimensions to a genre make you a great author? I think these adult themes of sex and loss are really interesting in what could easily be a book for young teens. By adding this element of fantasy it makes all the contemporary elements have more weight due to the juxtaposition.

The male characters in this book were fairly annoying but the female ones were very interesting. They're flawed and that was really great to read. The girls are very similar physically and it can give you the impression that they are the same. However, their temperaments are all extremely different and I really enjoyed that contrast between how the reader thinks of them very much as a collective and how they are all different once you get to know them. When the girls get the narrative it's very interesting because they use the fourth (is it called fourth) person which again, makes you think of them as one.

I found it odd because even though this book contains great female characters it felt very much like a book for boys. The coming of age element didn't really make me feel like I could relate and that felt like it was because of my genre.

I would recommend this if:
You want a male coming of age book
A book about mermaids for older teens
A slightly odd romance

I gave this three stars

Review #69- The Time Machine by HG Wells

I read Ann Veronica earlier this year by HG Wells which I just adored. The Time Machine didn't quite live up to the same standards that Ann Vernonica did.

Whereas Ann Veronica is a contemporary novel this, no suprise, is science fiction. It's about a man who invents a time machine and tells the story of his adventure to a group of people over dinner. The book tells the story from the perspective of one of those listeners. 

I'm not always a fan of science fiction but HG Wells I think, while sometimes rambling, is top of his game at science fiction. I am a biology nerd and you can really tell that HG Wells knows what he's talking about. It weaves Darwin's evolutionary theory with social commentary. This is HG Wells' strongest theme in this book. 

The theory behind the evolution of humans is that the upper classes become so timid that they become weak and boring while the working classes become savage and have the ability to literally eat the upper classes. This social commentary is not only really interesting but uses key evolutionary theory that communities can separate and they can evolve into two different species entirely. I love the fact that H G Wells takes real science because often science fiction is just fantasy with big scientific words in.

I did find the ending slightly odd which did take away from the book. The book kind of lost the plot and began to ramble.

I would recommend this if:

You love ecology

You want a science fiction book that isn't about space

You want an engaging classic

I gave this three stars

Stacking the Shelves / August and September Haul

I got a lot of books in September and a few in August

August

My friend Nina, my sister and our mums went on a bookshop tour in early August in London. We walked six miles (six miles!)

1. Hallucination by Oliver Sachs (Watermark Books, Kings Cross)
2. The Island of Dr Moreau by H G Wells (Skoob Books)
3. Patience by John Coates (Persephone Books)
4. The Domesticated Brain by Bruce Hood (The LRB)

Hallucination is a non-fiction book as I'm interested in neurology. It's written by the same guy who wrote The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat which is one of the key texts for Oxford Biomedical Sciences.

I read Ann Veronica and The Time Machine by H G Wells earlier this year and my friend Aimee was reading it at the time for her possible English degree.

Patience is a comedy about a woman who is catholic who's brother suddenly announces she is living in Sin. I love the Persephone Books shop as it focuses a lot on female writers and female characters. The covers are gorgeous.

The Domesticated Brain is another neurology book.

5. Austerlitz by W G Sebald

Austerlitz was sent to me by Rosianna as part of her giving-away-all-her-books and world-cup-fundraiser. Apparently it's weird, according to her postcard.

September

1. The Handy London Map & Guide
2. Heir of Fire by Sarah J Maas
3. The Humans by Matt Haig
4. These Days Are Ours by Michelle Haimoff

These are the books I didn't get for my birthday.

I went to Foyles at the end of my holidays and my mum bought me The Handy London Map & Guide partly because my sister wants to know her way round London and I think partly because my phone kept running out of charge because citymapper is v energy heavy.

I also got The Humans by Matt Haig on this Foyles trip which is a book about an alien who inhabits a human's body in order to destroy the mathematical proof that would cause universal destruction.

I got Heir of Fire in the post which I preordered before I got my electronic ARC.

I bought These Days Are Ours in Blackwells in Oxford as I was in desperate need of a coming of age book. Also, the book is really pretty

I turned 18 on the 27th which was so unbelievably awesome and I got loads and loads of books.

5. Oxford Sketchbook

6. The Diving-Bell and The Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby

7. The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sachs

8. Angelfall by Susan Ee

9. The Museum of Intangible Things by Wendy Wunder

10. Side Effects May Vary by Julie Murphy 

These are all the books I got from my friends because they are all wonderful human beings *deep breath*

I got the Oxford Sketchbook from my friend Nithya. I have the London, Singapore, Paris and New York Sketchbook's already and I was super super excited to get this one. I really love Oxford as it has definitely become my home town in the past year and a bit even though I've lived near since I was four. It's just such an amazing city.

I got The Diving-Bell and The Butterfly from my friend Miranda. It's really short because it was written by a man with locked in syndrome who can only move his head side to side and blink one eye. It was all dictated. It's so so clever.

Sif gave me The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat which is by the same guy who wrote Hallucination which I bought in August and am currently reading. Oliver Sachs is a good writer.

Nina who is *amazing* got me three books. THREE. 

So the first book is Angelfall which she has been begging me to read which I ignored but then she bought it for me. I shouldn't have ignored her because this book is awesome if a little gory. It's dystopian angel YA snarky fiction.

The other two books she got off my goodreads and got me *AMERICAN HARDCOVERS.*

The Museum of Intangible Things is about friendship and happiness and I don't know much more about it but I am so excited. I love American Contemporary YA Coming of Age books.

Side Effects May Vary is a fairly dark book about a girl with cancer who starts taking revenge on those who have hurt her, and then she goes into remission. I am so excited about this.

11. Harry Potter Film Wizardry
12. Lonely Planet's Best Ever Travel Tips

My neighbours got me these & I love them. They're pretty self explanatory but I will say the Harry Potter book includes a marauders map.

13. The Fault in Ours Stars by John Green

14. Looking For Alaska by John Green

My grandparents got me signed (I think 1st editions) John Green books and I love them and LFA especially is a book that is so important to me.

15. Macbeth by William Shakespeare

16. The Anatomy Colouring Book

My parents got me this really beautiful copy of Macbeth which has loads of paper cuttings. Macbeth is probably the favourite Shakespeare I've read

They also got me an anatomy colouring book which isn't pictured here but it's awesome. I mean it's a colouring book mixed with human biology. It's wonderful

Review #68 - Reboot by Amy Tintera

Reboot is your classic YA novel. Set in a world where a disease is fatal, but some victims come back to life creating humans which are faster, stronger and most importantly lacking feelings. It centres on 178, the coolest and hardest reboot of them all. And insert cute boy.

The first part of this book is really enjoyable. The world building is fantastic and 178's lack of emotion was a really fun perceptive to read from because YA is a very emotional genre. It was also great to read from such a strong female character who is flawed and wonderful. The socially hierarchy is also really insightful.

The early-romance was also done well. The flirting was believable and 178's reaction was done excellently. Her character development was very strong during this point.

However, I found that the second part of the book deteriorated rapidly. Whereas the first part and been punchy and hard the second part was drippy. The plot became very slow and took a while to get anywhere of any interest. Also, the romance became boring. The thrill of the chase was over (ironically if you've read the book) which just left a fairly dull book.

I would recommend this if:

You want a book that is a classic YA dystopia

You like good female characters

You want a book that I questions what makes us human

I gave this two stars

Review #67 - The Giver by Lois Lowry

The Giver is one of the "classics" of the YA dystopia genre. And in a lot of ways I found it cleverer than the hunger games because apart from the lack of choice in birthday presents and careers this society isn't that bad when you discover this world. 

This book is very short and very basic. At times it did come across as too simplistic in its language. Also, setting up the world was very much at the expense of the plot speed which was a real shame. In a lot of dystopias they use the plot to build the world but in this they were two very different things. I did find it a little boring in places but the fact it's tiny really meant that I didn't have to push through it.

The story is very clever. It progresses well and the plot twists are unexpected. I didn't guess any of this book and that was really wonderful and the characters were really great as was the dialouge. Perceptions of characters were very much set up via the dialouge and that was really good. 

The way emotions were tackled was extremely good. There's this comical bit when Phoebe, who's the younger sister, says she felt anger at a situation so she balls her hand into a fist to represent it.

I would recommend this if:

You are dystopia crazy

You want an early dystopian novel

You want a book that deals with perceptions really well.

I gave this three stars

Review #66 - Deep Blue by Jennifer Donnelly

Deep Blue was always going to be a book I would find difficult to review. On the one hand, I did enjoy it but then on the other hand this book has so many flaws and things I have issues with. So bear that in mind.

Deep Blue is a mermaid book about prophecies, underwater genocide and a force that spends his life chasing mermaids round the seas so quickly it means none of the supporting characters can grow in the slightest.

This is a book with a primarily female set of characters. I love love love books with female characters because I often find that women create more complex characters in books. I struggled with the girls in this because they were extremely simplistic. As a result I didn't really care. I didn't care about their relationships and I didn't care about how tired they were from all that singing and swimming . I also found towards the end all the characters were introduced too quickly as if the author got bored while writing.

The first setting was introduced wonderfully. You have to credit Ms Donnelly, she did do some great world building. It felt a lot like Triton's castle from The Little Mermaid (is this something to do with the fact it's published by Disney Hyperion?). There was also a large emphasis on singing as it is the way the mermaids do magic spells.  I really enjoyed that bit. There were "cliffhangers" at the end of each chapter but they were mostly shockingly bad.

I felt a lot of the book that I was in PSHE or in a Greenpeace seminar as there was a lot of anti-commercial-fishing-propeganda. I do believe that it is important to educate about environmental issues but when it's being presented as statements that you just have to accept I become a little annoyed. I felt like the book was treating me like an idiot. The worst thing is this is marketed at 9-12 year olds and I don't like that this is trying to influence them. 

This book is, of course, the first book in the series. In classic publisher style, there is no hint of this on the cover. This is also your classic "first book in a series" as it is just a set up book and doesn't feel like a book in it's own right. It left me feeling really, really frustrated.

I would recommend this to you if:
You want to read a mermaid book that isn't as adult as September Girls
You want an undersea adventure
You believe passionately in both fantasy fiction and the environment

I gave this three stars

Buy it here

Inactivity

I am really aware I haven't been that active throughout September and I kind of want to explain why and what's happening in my life.

I've started my final year of full time education which I'm both really happy about and really sad about. I truly adore my school (sixth form college) and I'll be gutted to leave but I am excited to go to uni.

I turned 18 this weekend which was amazing and so much fun. I'm now an adult.

I am also involved in the UCAS process. I'm applying for biomedical sciences which I love the sound of and I truly have found my perfect degree. However, I am taking the BMAT so my workload is huge. I don't do many interviews so my personal statement is really important. I'm taking A2s in Maths, Biology and Chemistry.

I will try to keep writing but I'm sorry if I don't keep up. Last academic year I was pretty housebound as I was ill a lot so I did spend a lot more time writing and now I don't so much because I'm going out more. I do keep trying to write all the time even if it's not always on here. And I'm not sad with this change.

Sophie xox

Review #65 - Vivian vs the Apocalypse by Katie Coyle

Vivian vs the Apocalypse is about a girl who lives in America when it is gripped by a religious cult. On a certain day, "the rapture", the church believes that all of it's members will leave earth before the apocalypse. And on the day of the rapture her believing parents are gone, leaving her, two holes in the ceiling and the apocalypse.

This book is a little bit of everything. Primarily, it's apocalyptic and a lot of it is quite bleak which I find a little difficult to engage in as apocalyptic fiction isn't very fun to read. But then it's got this emphasis on friendship and I loved how it wasn't dismissive on friendships you form as a teenager. Then it also has this slightly odd road trip element which did try to inject some "fun" into what otherwise would have been a fairly depressing book. The only problem with that is they are travelling through an emotional apocalypse so it isn't very "let's go to a motel and eat fries and go to Yosemite" or cute.

The main reason to read this book is the plot. It twists and turns even though some bits do feel like the author was padding to get to a decent page number. It's just a very intruiging book.

The characters were very well done as they were strong and interesting and different. Their relationships were set up well. What really shines in this book are the relationships.

I will kind of give this book a trigger warning. It is fairly dark and I won't put an age on it but you do have to be fairly emotionally mature to really read it as it is really dark. I will also put a "trigger warning" as it's pretty anti religious. I did like the way it mocked modern culture (I did laugh out loud at some bits) but it does sort of mock the Bible. If this could upset you or you work for one of those US corporations that bans books I wouldn't recommend it.

I would recommend this if:

You love dystopias

You want a black comedy

You want a book with interesting relationships

I gave this four stars.

Buy it here 

Review #64 - Adorkable by Sarra Manning

Adorkable is about a girl who is internet famous and your preppy senior school guy. And they find out their boy/girlfriend is cheating on them. It's a romance with internet culture and self identity.

The plot was well done and the pace was maintained well throughout the book. I found the style was a little too simplistic and wasn't really "literature". It was more of the type of book people read at the beach. I would recommend it to younger readers because of the simplicity of the style but the romance is pretty intense and I can't guarantee it is suitable for all younger teens.

I really enjoyed the fact the book is about self worth and individuality and accepting yourself. I don't think this is really emphasised enough in teen fiction and it needs to be because so many people suffer with a lack of confidence. And again, I think it's a shame the romance is quite adult because this would have been a godsend to me in year 7/year 8/year 9.

I did find the main female character really really annoying, especially at the beginning. I did struggle to feel empathy at first. Also the two leads hate each other at the beginning which I felt lacked subtlety. However, the dialouge was done really well.

I did feel at times that Sara Manning was a little out of touch with internet culture which was a shame because there is a lot of emphasis on blogging. I just couldn't relate to it at all and I should have because I spend far too much time on social media.

I say all of this, it was an enjoyable book to read in the same way Honey Boo Boo is fun to watch. 

I would recommend this if:

You want something light

You want a book about self worth

You want a slightly different romance

I gave this four stars

Buy it here

Review #63 - The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon

The Bone Season is a fantasy novel about Paige, a girl who is a dreamwalker in an undergroud crime circle in Scion London. However, following an event, most of this book is set in Oxford in Magdalen College.

I adored this book. A large part of my love for it comes from the setting of Oxford because it's my home town but also the way the fantasy world and the Oxford architecture are mixed is really well done. There's something very majestic about it. There's also a map at the beginning of the book which I always love.

The dialouge between two specific characters was so strong it physically gave me stomach ache while reading it. I didn't "ship it" so much as this certain male character filled a hole left in my soul by a very strong male character in Heir of Fire. I really disliked Paige as a character but it was fun to read as her. The dialouge was just very believable and sweet. 

The plot starts slowly so you learn to understand the large range of foreign terminology (it is very confusing at the beginning) but it speeds up and is maintained at a really good speed throughout until the end where it's going so fast you won't be able to stop reading.

I normally am not a large fan of books in series but this was a very complete book in its own right but I don't feel like it was too complete to have a sequel. I have preordered the sequel which will be released in January.

I would recommend this if:

You love Oxford

You want great dialouge

You want a good fantasy series 

I gave this five stars 

Buy the paperback here
Buy the hardback here

Review #62 - Popular by Maya Van Wagenen

Popular is the story of a girl in the USA on the border of Mexico who is really unpopular. She finds a book on popularity from the 50s and follows the advice to the word as a social experiment. This is her memoir.

Firstly, I wouldn't recommend this to you if you don't want to feel like you have achieved nothing in your life. Maya is a very young author, still in her teens and she writes really well. The pace was good, the story was told well and you really believe in the story. Non-fiction often doesn't make me feel any emotion, even biographies, but this was heart wrenching. You feel sorry for this girl, you cringe when you find out what the book tells her to wear and most of all you feel such compassion for a girl just trying to navigate high school. 

It's a really different take on non fiction and is really interesting to read. For one thing it depicts American High School in a way that isn't really documented in a non-fictional sense. It was also a really interesting concept. I did find her conclusions a bit twee and American dreamy which I didn't love. I felt like I was back at a Shamu show. It was just a bit over-sickly. That being said certain conclusions where she interviewed everyone were really really interesting and gave such a different take on popularity.

I would recommend this if:

You are starting senior school or high school

You want a biography that is accessible to teens

You want an intro into non fiction

I gave this four stars

But it here

Update - 100 Things this Summer 2.0 - #3

1) Run three times a week when possible

2) Watch the Fox and the Hound

3) Make (Vegan-ish) Nachos

4) Write 10,000 words of my book

5) Go to legoland

6) Drive on a motorway (3 months and still haven't done that)

7) Organise a summer party (not a "party" party). 

8) Go to the botanic gardens after school

9) Go to a concert

10) Finally meet Alexia Casale

11) Send Fanmail

12) Read a scientific book

13) Get an ARC

14) Go to Kew

15) Actually visit Notre Dame

16) Visit Shakespeare and Company

17) Read my books from the Strand

18) Finish PLL books

19) Make a birthday list

20) Post to Instagram regularly

21) Use my tripod

22) Run a mile

23) Avoid Parmesan

24) Get to level 10 on Dutch Duolingo

25) Go to Las Iguanas

26) Finish my 5000 word essay on PLP and TENS

27) Write a good personal statement

28) Go to the Harry Potter Studio Tour

29) Go to Birmingham

30) Take a friend to London (Nithya told me by taking her to the Breakfast Club this counted)

31) Go to South Africa

32) Go on a zip wire

33) Get my results

34) Be proud of my results whatever happens

35) Buy more Printics of my summer 

36) See some Shakespeare

37) Watch something at arts week

38) Reread a book

39) Have a picnic (Nandos does not work as a picnic)

40) Take more film

41) Camp

42) Go and visit UCL

43) Go to an author talk

44) Watch TFIOS

45) Go on a bookshop crawl

46) Do something brave 

47) Read 20 books

48) See an exciting animal

49) Play my guitar

50) Go to the theatre 

51) Read a Shakespeare play

52) Blog all the books I read this summer
53) Go on a roller-coaster
54) Go to the funfair
55) Discover a new bookshop
56) Go to the underground silver markets

57) Go to a London six times

58) Buy new clothes

59) Clear out my wardrobe

60) Learn a new piano piece

61) Go to Foyles 107
62) Go to the sea
63) Write every day
64) Take photos
65) Wear my new topshop shorts
66) Wear my lbd
67) Fix my laptop
68) Read more books on my kindle

69) Learn Let It Go on the guitar
70) Watch a Disney film I haven't seen in years
71) Register to vote
72) Actually learn about politics
73) Buy a book I've never heard of
74) Do a read-a-thon
75) Get better at not having "writers block"
76) Swim
77) Sprint faster
78) Get new sandals
79) Send a letter in the post
80) Read a classic
81) Read mermaid books
82) Watch something at the cinema on a whim
83) Cut out chocolate
84) Pick blackberries
85) Wear something I haven't worn in a while
86) Save
87) Reorganise my bookshelf

88) Read an adult fiction book
89) Read a Mark Haddon book
90) Read an HG Wells book
91) Organise my birthday
92) Read a translated book
93) Have a clear out
94) Do nail art 

95) To not get scared of flying
96) Keep tidy

97) Go to a new foursqaure area
98) Go to a beach
99) Use my diary
100) Wear my Dorothy shoes

Review #61 - Landline by Rainbow Rowell

This is Rainbow Rowell's fourth book and her second book for adults. It's about Georgie who's marriage is failing. Her husband has taken the kids to his parents for christmas while she stays at home and works on her sitcom that's finally taking off. One night she finds a "magic" phone that can call her husband in the past.

This is definitely a book for adults and not in the sense that it's not "ok" for teens but in the relationships and experiences. In the same way that I couldn't ever quite "get" the Bridget Jones mind set (or humour), I didn't really get Landline. What I really loved about Fangirl was the fact I felt like the book understood me and as a result I enjoyed reading it more.

I really liked the characters and the ways they interacted. I really loved the dialogue between Georgie and young-Neal. Again, that may be because I'm 17 and not 37 and because it was more intimate. Also, I love late night conversations.

This is a very introspective book as Georgie's family are away and it spends a lot of time in Georgie's head. And yet, the pace is maintained and it doesn't get boring. Four for you, Rainbow. You go, Rainbow.

This isn't a fantasy book even with the magic phone. It is first and foremost contemporary with an element that makes the relationships more complex and interesting.

This is a very Christmassy book so it's best not to read it midsummer like I did. If you are going to try it, try it at Christmas. If feels really festive and it's sweet.

I would recommend it if:
You are an adult who wants to read something cute
You want a christmassy book
You want a book of late night chats

I gave it four stars

Buy the hardback here (I got the US copy because I love the cover but it's gotten really expensive so here is the UK cheap one)
Buy the audiobook here

Review #60 - She is not Invisible by Marcus Sedgewick

She is not Invisible is the story of a blind girl, Laureth, who's father goes missing so she takes her brother on a trip to NYC to find him. It's a book about coincidence and numbers and bravery.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed this book. And I really enjoyed the voice and the writing style. I just had a large problem with how blindness was tackled. Sedgewick was very subtle with how he introduced her blindness. It let you work out that she was blind yourself which treated the reader as smart which was a nice idea. I just think that it should have been more obvious.

"But Sophie you shouldn't define a person by their physical limitations."

It's a really lovely idea that who we are on the outside doesn't alter our self perceptions on the inside. It does though. I am a white girl and my experiences are perceived from blue eyes. And this shapes how I view the world and how I view myself as a result. I am someone who has lived with physical difficulties, and I know they aren't equivalent with being blind, but they affect everything I do and most importantly how I view myself. And by denying Laureth the ability to tell the reader something that defines her I felt like Sedgewick wasn't treating her as he should have.

The book has an obsession with a certain number (but never fear, not in a maths sense). Some things are really really cool like the number of pages in the book is this specific number but sometimes it got a little tedious. I did like the pages from the fathers journal though that were inserted.

I did really enjoy this book though. I whipped through it and it was an enjoyable experience. The pace was great and the interactions and relationships were just fantastic and let me tell you, that is not an easy feat. Also I loved the setting and the characters, especially her younger brother.

I would recommend this if:

You want an entry into YA

You love books on coincidence

You want a quick read

I gave this four stars 

Buy it here

Review #59 - Seven Daughters of Eve by Brian Sykes

The Seven Daughters of Eve is part of my biomedical reading list this summer. It's about mitochondria and their genetics. Mitochondria are only in the eggs, not sperm, so everyone's mitochondria are pretty much identical to their mothers. As a result, Europe has seven mitochondrial ancestors - the "Eves" of the world. (n.b. if you're wondering why there are seven ancestors and not one 1) read the book 2) mutation)

This book goes over the research that Brian Sykes has done over the years. It was really interesting to read about and this was probably the strongest point of this book. If you're really interested in research and specifically research in DNA I would really recommend it.

The pacing in this book is weird. It takes 250 pages to get to the actual "daughters of Eve" and the research is the only bit that is really "exciting" to read. Also the end quickly declines into fiction and how the seven eves may have lived. Honestly the ending just made me feel like I was reading rubbish and took away from the quality of the book.

I feel like a few extra diagrams could have made it more interesting as the book went along just really to break up the text. It could have been much more visual.

The book is quite old which isn't always great for science books but it's still interesting none the less.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this but I feel like I could have got the same amount out of just a summary of the main findings of the book. Often it felt like Sykes was just padding.

I would recommend this if:

You are really interested in genetics

You want a book focused on research

You like learning about caveman history 

I gave this three stars

Buy it here

Review #58 - The Character of Rain by Amelie Nothomb

French literature is often highly acclaimed. Victor Hugo is basically god, while Albert Camus is regarded as a genius. I read Bar Balto and didn't love it so I decided to give French Literature another shot. I discovered that my opinion on French literature is similar to my opinion on French food. It's highly overrated.

The Character of Rain is an authors autobiography of her first three years of life. I'm pretty sceptical about this claim as there are few things that I remember before the age of three, and none are particularly profound whereas this book oozes pretentious philosophy. 

The main premise is that in Japanese culture a child is a god before the age of three and at three the child falls from grace and becomes a normal human. A French (maybe Belgian, I can't remember) family is living in Japan and it's the story of the child until her third birthday. 

The narrative is in third person before the author gains self awareness at the age of two and a half, leaves her vegetative state and goes into first person. Aside from the complete disregard for the science of how the human brain develops (it is not overnight), it is done well and is pretty clever.

This book is pretty disturbing for an autobiography. I don't think I would have given it three stars if I'd known it was an autobiography before rating it. The three year old is full of both wonder and innocence but also really, really dark feelings which are weird and psychologically terrifying. This isn't really a book for the masses.

I didn't really like the writing style but it sounded pretty and the plot was paced well.

I would recommend this if:

You are interested in Japanese culture

You love French literature

You like books about mental health

I gave this three stars

Buy it here

Review #54 - To all the Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han

This is a contemporary YA novel about Lara Jean who when getting over a crush writes a letter. Her big sister, Margot, is going to uni in Scotland and dumps her boyfriend, Lara Jean's long time crush. And then, somehow, the letters get out.

The marketing plan of this book really emphasises the letter's importance in the book so I thought it would be the romance in letters sort of like My Life on the Refrigerator Door. In fact, the book has very little emphasis on the letters which I was kind of disappointed by as the letters are why I bought the book.

The pace at first is diabolically slow but it does warm up until the end where it has a good pace. I did have to push through the first 100 pages which is a shame because it is an enjoyable story.

The ending is pretty ambiguous which I loved because I do like an ambiguous ending. Then I find out there will be a sequel. This is not cool, Jenny. I was very happy with my slightly ambiguous but complete end to this book but then you announced a sequel to a book that doesn't need a sequel. 

I did guess "the twist" but I did really enjoy the romance and how the romance formed. It was sweet but not vomit-worthy. It was also pretty different to most teen novels. Originality is awesome.

The cover is really nice. I also like it emphasises the fact that we have a non-caucasian heroin in the book. I'm also a big fan of the hardback as it's purple.

I would recommend this if:

You want a romance that doesn't make you want to hurl

You want a book with a really pretty cover

You want a romance which is different

I gave this three stars

Buy the hardback here
Buy the paperback here

Review #73 - The Wish by DS Affleck

I went on a school trip to South Africa with Biology in July and one of the teachers who went with us (who I'm going to call Tim though I am not supposed to call him by his first name but we like to remain anonymous here) was reading a book and I asked it what it was.  Tim said his best friend had written a book and then when he finished it he leant it to me and I devoured it.

It's about a boy who's just moved schools and finds a magic orb in his grandmothers attic. He has to help five people in order to get a wish in 30 days and if he fails he loses his soul.

The best part of this book is not only is it really exciting but it really mixes fantasy and real life really well. It has magic and powers in a senior school setting with problems that occur in the real world. It makes the magic feel much more tangible.

The plot twists are not predictable at all which I loved because so many books are obvious. It was really smart and different, especially the ending. The ending does leave room for a sequel but the book feels very much like a book in its own right, not just a book that sets up a series. 

It is quite clearly written by a teacher which entertained me. It's littered with information like how weirs work but it also has knowledge of what activity residential trips are like. 

I don't quite know which demographic the author was writing for because I don't think it's YA as the romance is described as "his teenage hormones kicked in" which is fairly mild compared to the sultry scenes of Twilight. However, it did feel quite dark for a children's book because some of the emotions felt by teenagers were pretty strong (relax though, it's not like the Bell Jar for kids). 

I would recommend this if:

You want an introduction to fantasy

You want something that feels like YA without the romance

You want a book with a great bad guy

Buy it here